4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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