Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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