I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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