i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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