last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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