No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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