she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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