the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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