I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
