): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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