she was so not down for the gang bang
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
