sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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