we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
