The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
