You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
