You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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