there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
