suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
