I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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