All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just cut my nipple shaving
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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