If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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