I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
