Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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