thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I got inside last night via doggy door
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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