good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
