sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
