Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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