i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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