are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
