Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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