She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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