those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
