So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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