can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
