so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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