Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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