If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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