But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
