The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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