Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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