I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
