I'm pants shitting drunk right now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
