Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
