4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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