Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I look better un-naked...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
