her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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