dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
