tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What a dumb baby whore.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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