You're so nebulous sometimes
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize