I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
