i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
