i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
