that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
