just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
