if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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