also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
