i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize