so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
