But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
