did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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