oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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