After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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