Four minutes until I can fart!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
