Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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