take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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