i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
