I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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