i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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