chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
