Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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