Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
