eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
