i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
