do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
