Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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