It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i believe in u and ur pee
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
