the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
