since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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