Just fell off a train. Bad.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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