My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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