I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
