Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
