He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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