when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
