i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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