um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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