just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
