ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize