i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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