WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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