Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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