i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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