Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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