I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
