yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
