At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
