drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is wine microwaveable?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
