That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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