Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
